Go on Loving in the Same Old Way
by westwingnut221
Summary: My version of what should have happened in Season 2, episode 4. You know which scene I'm referring to.


_This has been lurking in my head since I watched Season 2, despite the fact that it didn't air here until last night (I love the internet). Enjoy! This is the first time I've done a Matthew/Mary story so I hope I've done them justice._

_Disclaimer: They're definitely not mine. If only Dan Stevens were mine… Sigh._

"Go on Loving in the Same Old Way"

Matthew was missing. He was missing and she had to find a song to sing for a stupid concert. Edith's voice kept echoing through her head, "Matthew is missing." Over and over again she heard it as she fingered through the sheet music. _Matthew is missing. Matthew is missing._

She wanted to be able to curl up in her bed and pull the covers over her head to block out all of the awful imaginings that kept flittering into her consciousness. There were so many what-ifs, so many things that could possibly have happened to him. What if he'd been captured, what if he was already dead? What if? What if? Mary shook her head to try and clear her head. Maybe she did need the distraction of the concert to keep her sane.

And then she found it. "If You Were the Only Girl in the World." It was perfect… and if she could get through it without breaking down in tears, it would be a miracle. Mary sighed to herself and took it in to Edith.

Edith was surprised and a little touched at Mary's choice of song. She had seen the blood drain from Mary's face when she told her the news and was genuinely concerned for her. This would be a lovely song for the recuperating soldiers. She wondered if Mary was aware of the significance of her choice and decided to leave it alone.

The notes from Edith's piano seemed far off to Mary's ears, but she opened her mouth and began to sing. She may not have had the best singing voice in the world, but that didn't matter in this setting. A little reassurance for healing men dreaming of home, that was all this evening was meant to be.

She gestured for the audience to join her and soon the prevailing number of baritones and tenors overwhelmed her soprano. Just then a slight movement at the back of the room caught her attention and stopped her breath and her heart in her chest.

Matthew.

Oh my God, he was here. He was alive. She wondered for a moment if she were hallucinating him like a mirage in the desert, but then Edith turned and saw him and Mama and Papa turned and saw him. It really was him with William tagging behind.

Her eyes slipped closed with relief. "Thank God." He had answered her prayers and brought him back to her safe and sound. Mary opened her eyes again just in time to see him turn and meet her eyes with a slight smile. He stepped toward her with a remark about the song and her legs simply collapsed under her. A sob tore through her chest and her hands flew up to cover her face. The days of waiting to hear news, the months of aching for him, and the years of loving him couldn't be contained anymore and her carefully built façade of indifference came crashing down under the weight of his ever-so-blue gaze.

She felt a strong hand under her elbow and heard Edith's worried words in her other ear and tried to pull herself together, but the flood of emotions wouldn't be curbed. Matthew forced her face up to look him in the eye and was amazed at the depth of what he saw on her face. He saw acute relief, profound longing and, he was certain, a degree of love he hadn't known she possessed. Was it possible she loved him as much as he loved her? All of the attraction and passion he'd thoroughly repressed for her came back to the surface in a heartbeat.

"Mary? You must breathe deeply."

She nodded at him and made a halting attempt to mimic his breaths.

"That's it. In and out. Good."

Her weeping slowly reduced to slight hiccups and a few tears seeping out now and again.

Lord Grantham stepped up and helped Matthew get Mary to her feet. "Perhaps we should take this somewhere a touch more private."

Matthew nodded and wrapped a supportive arm around Mary's waist to steer her away from the on-looking and highly concerned soldiers.

Carson stepped up. "Might I bring some tea into the sitting room, my lord?"

"Yes, Carson, I think that would be perfect. Thank you."

Cora followed them in and sat down next to Mary. "Are you all right, Mary?"

"I will be, Mama. I just need a moment to catch my breath."

Cora threw a meaningful look at Robert and said, "Robert, we should get back to the concert before we're missed. Matthew, would you be willing to keep an eye on Mary?"

"Of course, Cousin Cora." He said, still looking at Mary with worry in his eyes.

As the door closed behind them, Matthew sat down next to Mary and took her hand in his.

"Mary?"

"Oh God, Matthew!" She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. "We were so worried! What would we have done if—"

"Shh, Mary. I'm fine."

She pulled back and gazed at the face that had become so dear to her. "I was terrified that you were gone for good and that I hadn't told you—"

His head tilted a bit and he said, "Hadn't told me what?"

Mary put a hand on either side of his face. "How much I love you. I've been in love with you for years, Matthew, and I was so stupid and hesitated and I lost you. Now you have Lavinia and she'd be lost without you, but I couldn't bear that you might never know—"

His lips sliding onto hers effectively brought her monologue to an end. It felt as if she had never stopped kissing him, as if the intervening years simply vanished. He was warm and strong and beautifully alive in her arms. Eventually the need for breath interceded and they smiled at each other with their foreheads still touching.

"Marry me."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're already engaged, or had you forgotten?"

"Lavinia is a sweet girl and I'm very fond of her… but I'm not in love with her. She's young. She'll find someone else."

"Then, yes."

The brightest, widest grin split Matthew's face and he swung her up into his arms. He was just bringing her feet back to the floor when Carson entered with a tea tray.

Mary and Matthew didn't care that they were flushed and disheveled. "Thank you, Carson, but I'm feeling much better now."

"So I can see, my lady. I'm very glad to hear it. Perhaps Captain Crawley would care for a cup?"

"Thank you, Carson. I rather think I would."

As Carson left the sitting room, he couldn't help but notice how closely they sat on the loveseat and he hoped that they had finally gotten things sorted out between them.

_I'm thinking of doing another story where Mary gets the flu instead of Lavinia (or maybe along with Lavinia) and Matthew's reactions. Thoughts?_


End file.
